Seeing an elderly parent for the holidays? Take a close look

Going to see mom or dad or even Aunt May for the first time in several months? Planning to shower them with holiday cheer and elicit a happy "ho-ho-ho" in response?

Don't be surprised if your elderly relatives show some wear and tear -- maybe even some serious decline -- since the last time y ou saw them.

"Holiday visits are a good time to assess what assistance parents or other elderly loved ones might need," says Dr. Laura Mosqueda, geriatrician at the University of California, Irvine.

She suggests visitors keep an eye out for some serious health changes.

Does the elderly person require help with chores or housekeeping? Can they prepare their own meals? Are they paying bills on time? When did they last see the doctor? Do they get out regularly?

Q: Aren't these just normal declines associated with aging?

A: Yes, but remember, as much as 90 percent of elder abuse is committed by family members. If the elder is living with someone else, who is that other person and are they an appropriate caregiver?

Q: You can't just walk into the home and give it the once-over and make a judgement.

A: Of course not. If, before you make your trip, you suspect that your loved one needs extra assistance, plan a longer stay so you can visit local aging service organizations. Stay long enough to accomplish necessary tasks.

Q: What about talking the future over with the older person.

A: You can decide together what needs to be done and who can help. We really recommend that older people see a geriatrician, if possible. We are specially trained to assess the whole person, strengths and possible weak areas, identify medication interactions and so on.

Q. But you were talking about abuse. The Administration on Aging estimates half a million older Americans are abused each year. What are some warning signs?

A: Well, there are different types of abuse. Self-neglect, for example, may become an issue if the senior appears confused; is no longer able to handle meal preparation or house cleaning, bathing and so on; if the senior seems depressed or is drinking too much or overusing drugs; if the senior experiences frequent falls.

Q: What about abuse by others?

A: If the senior is living with someone else, some abuse issues to look for include financial abuse, a "new best friend" who is willing to care for the person at little or no cost. Or there may be changes in banking or spending patterns indicating the senior no longer controls his or her money. You should be able to tell if the senior is getting good physical care, has no bed sores, for example.

Q: So what should you do if you suspect abuse?

A: Call Adult Protective Services, 800-451-5155, or the Office on Aging, 800-510-2020.

Q: Some seniors resent adult children talking to them about their "decline."

A: Yes, some may not be aware of a gradual decline and may be reluctant or unable to plan for needed care. Support and guidance from family members can help prevent serious accidents. Introduce yourself to responsible neighbors and friends and give them your contact information. Ask your elderly relatives if they are afraid of anyone.

Q: Can you go overboard thinking family members are declining?

A: Oh yes. Be careful. There are normal age-related changes that happen with your memory, like you can't come up with names as quickly. Sometimes, getting an assessment helps reassure everyone.

Jane Glenn Haas writes for The Orange County (Calif.) Register. E-mail her at jghaas@cox.net