Options for Youth: Parents' alcoholism may be factor in gang ties

There is a community of people who live within our neighborhoods that many of us don't see. These people are children and they constitute an estimated 26.8 million living in America today. These children are children of alcoholics.

No family or neighborhood is immune to alcoholism. It crosses every barrier, whether it's cultural, racial, or socio-economic. It does not discriminate. It exists in many neighborhoods.

When children are living in a home where alcoholism is present, many stressors can develop. Not all children or their families react to these stressors in the same way, but the dysfunction that occurs may be a factor that causes children to reach out to their peers in gang relationships to provide the contact and support they need.

Children of alcoholics have common characteristics that can sometimes be mistaken for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and can cause children to be withdrawn, defiant and compulsive in their actions at school or in the community. They sometimes develop anti-social behaviors because the world they live in is unpredictable. They have to live by different rules than their peers in school, even if their peers have the same issues. The presence of children of alcoholics is not publicly acknowledged. If there was a club for children of alcoholics. the "president" of the club would be the enabler. This is usually the non-alcoholic parent.

This parent is the one hiding the issues and denying that a problem exists. The enabler covers for the alcoholic and makes excuses for the alcoholic's behavior.

Another club member would be the "hero." This is the child who is the perfectionist and is taking care of the family needs and many times takes on the parental role.

There is also the "rebel." This child is the one who is getting in trouble at school or in the community, trying to redirect the dysfunction to target him, to take the focus off the parent so no one will know what's going on at home.

The "lost child" is another member of the COA Club. This child is withdrawn and easily manipulated, and sits quietly in the room while the whole family is in chaos over something the alcoholic has done.

Then there is the "clown" or "mascot," who is always clowning around and making jokes about things that others would see as important or serious, trying to break the tension with laughter.

Of course, many other dysfunctions can interfere with a child's ability to focus in school, or become an active member of a community.

Different levels of dysfunction and normalcy exist in families where alcoholism is prevalent. If we recognize that a child is living in such a home, the National Association of Children of Alcoholics suggests:

1. Help these children to develop autonomy and independence.

2. Develop strong social orientation and social skills.

3. Engage in acts of "required helpfulness."

4. Develop a close bond with a care-giver.

5. Cope successfully with emotionally hazardous experiences.

6. Perceive their experiences constructively, even if those experiences cause pain or suffering.

7. Develop day-to-day coping strategies.

Alcoholism is often seen as a weakness of the mind. However, no matter how we view alcoholism, the effect it has on children is destructive for all of us.

NEXT: The next Options for Youth column will run on Feb. 22. Williams police School Resources Officer Ivan Maldonado will write about the Explorer program.